the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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