Apparently you make a good broom.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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