The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
