He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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