I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
