You really coming over, don't trick.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
