I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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