During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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