I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
