I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
