a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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