She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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