ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Life is so much better after having sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
