is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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