Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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