I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
