I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
