he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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