so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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