you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
