my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
is it fun? or sober?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize