the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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