Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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