Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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