Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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