My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
