i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
