Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I AM VODKA MAN
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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