I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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