How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
