she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
