so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
