this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
try to milk me bitch
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