She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
