Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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