she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
