Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
