Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
