you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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