And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
