walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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