seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
