I am puke
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
