I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
