since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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