Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
