I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
