Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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