I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
