He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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