the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
