The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
