my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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