After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
