i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
