i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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