Welp...herpes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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