May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
