Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
