True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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