If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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