i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
