new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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