Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
