I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
