I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
