Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
