I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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