There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The convent might be a nice break from real life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
