I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
