So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
