Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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