when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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