did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
