He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize