I'll bet she douches with gravy.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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