Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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