3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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