i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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