apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
