i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
