New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize
